Should your teen be allowed to drink alcohol at home?

Written by: Dr. Stephanie May

Many parents say that the question of whether teenagers should be allowed to drink alcohol at home is a controversial one. It has become commonplace to hear things like “I would rather have my teen drinking at home, than somewhere else where they can’t be supervised.” But let us get back to basics here and acknowledge that teenage drinking is both illegal and dangerous.

Experts continue to support parents in teaching their teens to “Just Say No,” and evidence is surmountable as to why. For example, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration showed that a quarter of drivers under age 21 killed in vehicle crashes were intoxicated. Last year it was noted that of all teenage deaths, 35% are traffic related, and drinking and driving was cited as one of the leading reasons for this high number. Excessive drinking is also strongly linked to suicidal thoughts and attempts among teens, accounting for 12% of teen deaths. Further, the American Psychological Association released an article in 2001, which shared that “Teen drinking may cause more neurological damage than recently thought. Contrary to the notion that the brain is fully developed at age 16 or 17, new studies have found that significant brain development happens until the age of 21. What this suggests is that teens who binge drink may do damage to their memory and learning abilities by severely hampering the development of the hippocampus.” So, I invite you to consider here that teen drinking is illegal for a reason and that it is our job as mentors, parents, and adults to give our teens boundaries and hold them to the integrity of what is lawful, well thought out, and safe.

Another point to consider is that teens will admit that they don’t truly like drinking alcohol. And given a better than or equal alternative, I think most teens would tell you that they would prefer not to drink. But they do drink because they want to feel included; they want to be a part of something; and they want to feel confident, open, have fun, or be connected. Whatever it is that they think or feel about it, our job as the adults is to find out what exactly it is for our teens that has them want to drink so that we may support them best. To open up dialogue with your teen about this topic, here are some key points and questions that may assist you during this time:

Even if your teen is already drinking, it is still good to approach them about this now.

Approach them from a place of discovery. Seek to understand them and what has them want to drink. Ask:
-Do you drink alcohol?
-What is it like for you when you drink?

What do you think it would be like for you if you didn’t drink?

Why do you drink?

Teach them the ability to CHOOSE… the ability to think beforehand…before the consequences.

Sit down with them and say “Lets research this together.” Google search “teen drinking” and then discuss with them what you find out together.

Set clear consequences with your teen about what will happen if they drink or if they drink and drive.

Ask them, “Is it worth the consequences to you?” “Why or Why Not?”

Provide your teens with opportunities to develop themselves and feel good about who they are.
-Have them volunteer consistently throughout their lives
-Create service projects that you can do as a family
-Enroll them in Leadership courses

Support them in joining or starting an organization that offers alternatives to teens instead of drinking.

Model healthy behavior for your teens.

Be the example that shows them how to love, honor, and respect their bodies

Take them to YOGA with you where you can all learn about body respect, body consciousness, and body connection.

Have parties of your own that are alcohol-free

Remember, up until now, for many teens alcohol has become the most readily available, easy-to-use option. So let’s make a commitment to change that, and let US be the most readily available, easy- to-use option for them instead.

For more information about the Families By Design teen services and resources, please contact drmay@familiesbydesign.net.