THE DO’S AND THE DONT’S
WHEN YOUR CHILD HAS AN EATING DISORDER

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Written by: Dr. Stephanie May, Families by Design

Because eating disorders are so secretive and manipulative and often occur among perfectionists, many parents are surprised to find out that their child’s behavior meets this diagnosis. And they are further surprised to learn that such behavior has occurred long before they were made aware of it. So by the time mom and/or dad come into the picture they can be met with a lot of emotion related to what is occurring. Common feelings that come up around eating disorders include: anger, sadness, shame, frustration, denial, or avoidance. As parents, you may also experience some or all of these emotions, but it is so important that your feelings not stop you from getting help for both your child and your family. Here are some of the “DO’S AND DONT’S” when your child has an eating disorder (Some suggestions offered here, made by The Alliance for Eating Disorders www.eatingdisorderinfo.org):

DO...

1. DO seek professional support from a therapist who specializes in the treatment of eating disorders- for your child and your family. Ideally, the therapist you choose will work both individually with your child, and will set up family sessions for you all to come together to discuss family dynamics. You should also be referred to a team of other professionals that specialize in the treatment of eating disorders that will address your child’s health from all angles (physical, psychiatric, & nutritional).

2. DO educate yourself about eating disorders. There are many reliable sources to seek accurate and useful information. Go to: http://www.something-fishy.com/ and www.eatingdisorderinfo.org.

3. DO keep the lines of communication open with your child. Specifically, schedule time with your child to talk about how they are doing and what you are seeing that concerns you. Be sure to LISTEN! And be honest with your child about your concerns. If you witness your child participating in any dangerous eating disorder behavior, it is okay to speak into your concerns right then and there.

4. DO become aware of your own thoughts and behaviors toward food and body image. Your child does watch and learn from you, so if you are constantly dieting, for example, and talking about your body negatively, your child will pick up on this too. Less obvious examples of your behavior that can promote unhealthy messages include the magazines you read and the TV shows you watch.

5. DO create opportunities to build your child’s self esteem. This can mean a number of things including: acknowledging their efforts and innate unique qualities, having them contribute around the house, encouraging them to volunteer, and/or supporting them in creating a project that promotes healthy body image and healthy eating behaviors in others.

DON’T...

1. DON’T deny a problem exists! Trust yourself as your child’s parent, despite what they may tell you. They may deny a problem exists, but if you think so- follow your instincts.

2. DON’T engage in a power struggle over food. As much as you may want to control what they eat, how much, and when- you just won’t win here.

3. DON’T make comments about weight, body image, or size. Even harmless comments can be experienced differently through the ears of someone with an eating disorder. It is best to focus on other things like thoughts, feelings, memories, having fun together, etc…

4. DON’T focus all your energy on food and other eating disorder behaviors: Eating disorders are emotionally based and are an attempt to control, hide, stuff, avoid, and forget emotional pain, stress, or self-hate. When people with eating disorders learn tools to effectively handle their thoughts and emotions- this is when they start to heal.

5. DON’T reject or ignore your child. When parents react to their child’s eating disorder, they often get angry and blame them. But your child needs you right now. Stay supportive and persistent with their care.

At Families By Design, Dr. Stephanie May specializes in the treatment of eating disorders. If you are concerned about yourself or someone you love, Dr. May can assist you. Please contact her at drmay@familiesbydesign.net.