FIVE STEPS TO SETTING YOUR CHILD UP FOR SUCCESS IN 2010!

Written by: Amanda Elias, M.A.

To set your children up for success, you have to parent with an end goal in mind. This is an assumption, but most parents hope to raise responsible children who become responsible adults and lead successful lives. In order to help you reach this goal, I’ve created an acronym to help you remember the five steps to setting your child up for success – P.R.I.D.E.!

P – Positive Reinforcement

This is one of the most integral aspects of creating positive self-esteem. Children need to learn that they can trust you, their parents, to always be there with love, support, and encouragement. Some ways to do this are to provide affection, acceptance, and attention. Focus on the positive and leave the negative until the end and evaluate to see if that negative input is actually necessary for the situation. For example, if your child shows you their homework after they complete it, focus your attention on how well they did – all the great answers they got correct…If you see an error, decide if it’s worth sharing or if you should let it go and let them be corrected by the teacher, whose job is to correct them.

R – Responsibility

To raise responsible children, you need to be living responsibly yourself. Take a look at how you manage your time, multi-task, and set yourself up to win each day. Kids learn responsibility from their parents. They look to you for cues and as role models. The best way to foster responsibility in your children is to start early! You should be introducing this word into your lives as early as your children develop language. By using the correct language, you’ll be helping them identify from a very early age what is a responsible choice and what isn’t. When situations arise where your children may have been irresponsible, use this as a platform for discussion rather than just a reason to enforce a consequence. Ask them what a more responsible choice would’ve been and what they would do next time in a similar situation. Arm them with the inner thought process (Is this a responsible choice? Could I do something different? What consequences will my actions have?) that can help prevent distressing situations on the road ahead.

I – Independence

Particularly when your children are young, it is very easy to want to help them, teach them, show them, etc. For the most part though, children learn through experience. Although it may take some self-control on your part, it is important to foster your child’s independence by allowing them to experience actions and natural consequences. For instance, if they are continuously late at getting ready in the morning and you are pulling their pajama shirt off and replacing it with a t-shirt on the way out the door every morning, you are inhibiting their independence. You can repeat yourself over and over not to do something, but until the result is an experience that impacts them in a big way (like ending up in class with their pajama shirt on) they are likely to repeat their action. In other words, unless there is a situation where your child’s safety is in jeopardy, natural consequences are often the best route to take.

D – Determination

This leads right into the next part of P.R.I.D.E., determination. Again, it may be very tempting to show your children how to do something, but the best gift you can give them is teaching them to continue to try at something until they succeed. Often parents become frustrated watching a child do something incorrectly or the “hard way”, but again, this is where the self-control comes into play. Let your children problem solve and develop a healthy frustration tolerance. If they are corrected quickly or are not given a fair shot, their determination tool is being dulled. This is something that you want as sharp as possible for the bright future you are preparing them for!

E – Expectations of Routine

And last, but the most important aspect of setting your child up for success, is creating clear expectations and a routine in your household. Children are most successful when provided with structure and routine. Being able to wake up every morning with clear expectations of what their day will consist of will decrease or even eliminate feelings of fear, anxiety, and/or uncertainty. Think about going to your job every day without a job description or a goal in mind – How would you feel? Schedules and behavior plans are crucial to your child’s successful development. And just a note, behavior plans are not only for children who show signs of behavior problems – they are proven ways to help all children learn how to manage their time and relate their actions to their consequences. If you set a behavior system up properly in your household, you will be disciplining your child 10% of the time and enjoying your child 90% of the time!

REMEMBER! Have P.R.I.D.E. in your children and prepare them for a successful year in 2010!

For more information on setting up a behavior plan in your home contact Amanda Elias, M.A. at 561-994-7222 ext. 404.