Boca Raton Group Therapy for Dealing With Infidelity:
What Is Infidelity?
Written By: Tracey Rubenstein, L.C.S.W.

Here in South Florida, tales of infidelity are a dime a dozen. But the emotional cost of infidelity is vastly more expensive. Typically we think of a sexual encounter outside of the marriage/relationship as defining infidelity. A broader definition might acknowledge an "emotional affair" in which one partner "falls in love" with someone else, even if there is no physical/sexual contact. But the best definition I have come across for infidelity is this: having a secret.

Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT coined the definition of infidelity-as-secret in his work with sex addicts and betrayed spouses. His definition gets at the heart of infidelity: it is a secret kept from one's partner/spouse and the keeping of that secret is what damages trust and the relationship.

Although it is normal and common for a betrayed spouse to want details of the infidelity, these details ultimately do not change the core grievance. A one-time sexual encounter can be as devastating as hundreds. Keeping a secret from one's spouse creates the possibililty of keeping other secrets. Discovering one secret means questioning everything, and therein lies the devastation of discovering an infidelity. The betrayed spouse/partner begins asking "Is nothing real? Is it all a lie? What else is he/she lying about?"

Discovering a partner's infidelity is a life-changing moment. It is often followed by anger, sadness, confusion, doubt, and grief. There is no "right way" to react, no manual for handling the new reality of one's life. Depending on the nature of the infidelity, initial steps might inlcude: a health check-up and testing, consulting with a lawyer, consulting with a forensic accountant, hiring a private investigator, seeking therapy, and seeking support from trusted friends or family members. Each couple must decide for themselves what the infidelity means to the overall relationship. Some people choose to divorce and others choose to stay together.

At Families By Design, we are available to work with couples and individuals who are considering staying together, divorcing, or not yet ready to decide. Our Boca Raton group therapy is an excellent resource for betrayed spouses/partners.

If you have discovered a secret in your relationship and are dealing with the questions and feelings that follow, please contact Families By Design for confidential, expert group therapy in Boca Raton.